FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
