I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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