there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
