Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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