The best revenge is premature balding
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
