How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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