I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
