She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
