i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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