Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize