someone owes me an orgasm
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
