Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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