Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
