You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
