Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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