She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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