Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
