I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
