"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
