dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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