until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
