That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
