3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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