I accidentally had phone sex last night
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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