I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
