she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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