i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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