Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize