Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im having a threesome with these popsicles
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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