ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
