I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
