nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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