Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
