mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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