good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize