her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
