I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
