the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
