im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
