i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
