How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
