Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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