if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize