HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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