My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize