I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just took my morning after pill in the library
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
