you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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