Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
