I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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