Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
