Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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