as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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