ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize