***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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