I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How external is "for external use only"?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
