Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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