I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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