If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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