i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Even my vagina gasped.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
