Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
is it fun? or sober?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
