I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
