Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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