Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
