I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
