Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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